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Celebrety News: It's No Joke! Roseanne Barr Is Running for President

 

Imagining Donald Trump or Sarah Palin as president of the United States was loony enough. But, Roseanne Barr's announcement this week that she is in the running as a Green Party candidate for president, is the silliest idea yet. Although the Associated Press reported that she is seeking the Green Party nomination, the speech she delivered told a different story.

Roseanne Barr Stands on Soap Box

Standing along side Washington D.C.'s National Mall, on a box with the word "soap" painted on it, she announced her candidacy for both President of the United States, and Prime Minister of Israel. The banner behind her read, One Taxpayer Mother's Manifesto.

"My fellow and sister taxpayers, as well as anyone in the animal kingdom that might be listening," her speech began. She announced that she had decided to "fix everything that is wrong with the world." Quite a tall order, one would think.

Throughout her confused and inconsequential oration, she repeatedly referred to the Green Tea Party, not the Green Party. She also declared her religious affiliation to be the church of common sense.

"The current leaders of this world, ninety-nine percent of them being male, are selfish idiots, moral cowards, greedy incompetents and sexual degenerates who cannot keep it in their pants,” she declared. When she announced her candidacy, applause from her audience of one could be heard.

Her rambling platform was nuttier than a crop macadamia nuts harvested from her Hawaiian farm.

Roseanne Barr's Presidential Platform

Step one, she said, is the legalization of hemp. She then went on to espouse the many benefits of hemp. The thing is, we don't need Roseanne to legalize hemp because it isn't illegal.

Step two, would be to change the demographics of government. Since fifty-three percent of all Americans are women, fifty-three percent of government legislative bodies must be female. Furthermore, since one-sixth of Americans are poor, one-sixth of elected officials must be poor. There goes the democratic right to vote for the Celebrity person you believe best suited to represent you.

Step three, which Roseanne states is the most important, is the outlawing of all bullshit. So much for freedom of speech. Who's going to decide what is bullshit and what is not?

As she rambled, someone walked by and told her to shut up. "No, you shut-up," was her intelligent retort.

Tourists walked by, and one of them stood beside her. She stopped her speech, smiled and posed for the camera. After photos had been taken, the tourists walked on. Roseanne was left address an audience of no one.

Roseanne Barr's Ideas Include Governing the News of The World

Why stop at the presidency of the United States, and the leadership of Israel? Why not rule the world? Her worldwide system of government, at its grassroots level, would consist of a system of grandmothers. Each grandmother would be responsible for approximately one hundred people.

Each baseline grandmother would report to a district grandmother. The district grandmothers would report to a matriarchal tribunal council. Each council would be part of a worldwide network. The worldwide network would report to the world family head, who would be, of course, Roseanne. So much for democracy.

Roseanne is a busy woman these days, campaigning to fix everything that's wrong with the world. Since, so far, no one is listening, she has her work cut out for her. As if that weren't enough, she's hard at work on a new NBC sitcom scheduled to debut this coming fall. Called Downwardly Mobile, she plays the part of a woman in charge of a trailer park.

Should we take this woman, who in 1990 was booed off a baseball field after mangling the star spangled, tugging at her crotch and spitting on the ground, seriously? Of course not.

The question is, does she take herself seriously. That sad thing is, likely yes. All too frequently, people showered money, power and fame have an overblown opinion of themselves.

Roseanne had a shtick that worked. Will it still work? Judging by the crowd she didn't draw on the Mall, it looks as if her new NBC sitcom will flop. Only time will tell.



   

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